Innocence & Guilt ?

It keeps happening and I can't say I didn't expect it !

It seems that settling with a supposed more mature partner still brings with it the immature set backs. It was going well until my privacy was once again invaded and restrictions placed on my every move and although my intentions are never to act on my kindness to others, it is jealously used as a weapon........

maybe this is the way it will always be, the years have made me dead to what others want and feel because it seems there is no feeling to what they want..........

Maybe you were right, even though my true loyalty will be  with the one I am with............ but I will never belong to just 1 ?

I roam the wastelands of my mind in search of someone with the same understanding as me........... there is no end in sight and I am getting tired.

The way it happens

"Unnamed Feeling"

Been here before
Been here before couldn't say I liked it
Do I start writing this down?
Just let me plug you into my world
Can't you help me be uncrazy?

Name this for me, heat the cold air
Take the chill off of my life
And if I could I'd turn my eyes
To look inside and see what's comin'

It comes alive, It comes alive, It comes alive
And I die a little more
It comes alive, It comes alive, It comes alive
Each moment here I die a little more

Then the unnamed feeling
It comes alive
The the unnamed feeling
Takes me away

I'm frantic in your soothing arms
I can not sleep in this down filled world
I've found safety in this loneliness
But I can not stand it anymore

Cross my heart hope not to die
Swallow evil, ride the sky
Lose myself in a crowded room
You fool, you fool, it will be here soon

It comes alive, It comes alive, It comes alive
And I die a little more
It comes alive, It comes alive, It comes A-live
Each moment And I die a little more

Then the unnamed feeling
It comes alive
The the unnamed feeling
Treats me this way
And I wait for this train
Toes over the line
And then the unnamed feeling
Takes me away

Get the f*** out of here
I just wanna get the f*** away from Me
I rage, I glaze, I hurt, I hate
I hate it all, why? Why? Why me?

I cannot sleep with a head like this
I wanna cry, I wanna scream
I rage, I glaze, I hurt, I hate
I wanna hate it all away

Since I met her, we have been through hell together. Yet since I have moved in, hell has followed and restrictions are the order of the day. She came home all happy because the ex gave her money for trivialities which put sweets in the kids mouths to keep them quiet.

So I kept quiet, 2 hours later I get asked why I'm not talking, all through which I can't say much because she is constantly on the phone (call or sms to her ex who caused so much of the trouble).

Then the post on her favourite site about how easily promises get broken, well the 10 years it took her to get divorced from number one prompts me not to get married at all.

Corey Taylor said it the best "I'm not Jesus"

I will not live out another decade just to end up with nothing !

Off the grid

If you ever thought that having no debts and being free of everything was good, try starting a business.

You'll get turned down everywhere !